Life

The Past:

I don't really care for my past... For as long as I can remember I have been the way I am. Physically and mentally above average, but socially a brick. The majority of the ideas I hold are quite old, its as if back then I was waiting to learn something that would disprove what I thought and I could move on to better things. The magical fix never came so now the things I believed are now virtually unchallenged between my ears. It also seems that everyone I grew near to throughout my life doesn't play a role in it anymore. While this could easily be related to a sense of independence I believe it to be more than that in an unfortunate way.

The Present:

I currently view the problem as follows. That I see others as independent and anything I do would influence them. Doing so would be a selfish act. To combat this, when I feel that someone is actually listening (ha ha) to me I speak in lists. The majority of which contain three elements. However, the contents and order of the list are biased and may affect a decision before it has been made. So, the vast majority of the time, even in social situations, I don't speak.

I waste the majority of my time just sitting around; the only thing I enjoy on a regular basis is climbing mountains... It seems that too is becoming routine and simply something to pass the time. Recently, I have been operating under the assumption that loneliness (and possibly a fear of loneliness to come) is driving my actions and emoticons.

The Future:

In the near future I don't see this problem fixing itself. Which may unfortunately lead to a life of solitude. On a slightly more positive note, these ideas may be sprouting from the Mines Park scenario discussed in the last few posts. It’s nearing the end of the semester and I get the feeling that lots of people I know are considering their futures. Over the summer I am hoping for a job, hopefully with ridiculously many hours that dominates my time. I doubt even if I fail to find a job that socially my life will be different. It’s unlikely that I will see the friends I have made at college over the summer, for geographical and social reasons.

Next semester communication with my current friends is more likely simply because of the change in geography. My very gloomy perception of that situation is that I am only liked by the ones who like everyone. This is the reason I presume a lonely summer.

Things need to be added to this post...

I have more to say about a majority of these topics, so if you would reply with either a quote from above, a counterpoint, or a topic that needs more light shed on it, I will reply back almost immediately.

L8R-- Michael

Freshman Year

E-Days just finished and was quite awesome. Highlights for me include: bouncy boxing, bouncy bungee race, watching the trebuchet contest, the mythbusters, the ore cart pull, playing some “guitar hero” (at two in the morning off campus (if you know what I mean)), and fugitive.

There is another wave of testing coming up soon. However this post does not concern those.

Next years housing arrangement is sent in stone for me. Curtis Flemming and I will be living four doors down from where I currently live. This room is in the basement so it has the 9 foot ceilings that I enjoy; it is also about five feet wider than my current room. Our current plan calls for a couch, lazy-boy, custom desks, and a large TV (with numerous systems of course). Everyone else doesn’t know yet if they got into mines park yet, so things for them could get quite interesting for them fairly soon. I hope everyone gets rooms next semester… But more than that, I hope that the location that they have chosen does not inhibit them from doing things on campus. Some of the people moving up there don’t have access to a car, one of the reasons I wouldn’t have wanted to move up there is the ease of missing a class; Along with the increased difficulty of going back and forth between classes. I would not like anyone’s performance to be hindered by location next year.

Thoughts:

Joey – I really like you and want you to do well at CSM. You are more than welcome to use my (massive) room to chill between classes. It is likely that my room next year will have an extra desk and chair setup in the event you want to use it.

Luke – You are equally welcome to stop by my room next year and chill whenever you want.

Scott – A large percentage of the people I meet I consciously recognize I will have a temporary relationship with. Our lives came together for a while and we each made decisions that affected the other but towards then end those decisions will be made less often until there are none. We will each go our separate ways in life having little effect on each other. It's very unlikely that communication will occur between us because of a mutual (assumed)* feeling towards each other. I wish you the best on your journey through life.

* I do dislike assumed things. I also recognize the chance of having made an incorrect assumption. And I apologize if that is the case here.

Trevor – Less philosophically, we recently spent a lot of time together and you’re a pretty cool person. I realize that you play WoW when there is nothing better to do... and I hope that it doesn't inhibit your performance at mines.

This summer I would like to go somewhere with any, or all, of the group. If the feeling is mutual then you know my AIM / e-mail and if you’re good then you also know my phone number too.

I welcome feedback on this post.

If you feel that you want to write something but don’t know what, then here is a prompt I have been considering: How could I (referring to Michael) have acted differently / better this past year?

L8R-- Michael