Nuking Asteroids

In the near future space exploration will ideally increase. We need tools for space. Nuclear bombs make great tools in space. They are lightweight and can deliver lots of energy. Other energy delivery tools in space may include lasers and kinetic impactors. These tools might be useful for deflecting asteroids, displacing mass, imparting energy, and/or adjusting momentum.

To deflect an asteroid, I believe nuclear bombs and kinetic impactors are the fastest two tools. Other deflection ideas like solar sails, gravity deflectors, and attaching booster rockets are large, slow, and/or massive. The European Space Agency is currently working on an asteroid momentum adjustment program using a kinetic impactor (Don Quijote probe).

Nuclear bombs are lightweight and powerful. I believe they make excellent tools in space. I believe in space exploration. I believe the use of this tool in space exploration is twentyish years away. The possible use of this tool in asteroid deflection could be anytime. I believe modern research is needed for the nuclear bomb tool. I believe if humans could deflect a global-killer asteroid, like that which caused the extinction of the dinosaurs, it would be one of life’s greatest accomplishments, ranking just below evolution.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asteroid-impact_avoidance

The nuking section of this wikipedia page cites Islands in Space (which I haven’t read) and Project Icarus, a 1968 MIT student project in systems engineering. Chapter 3: Nuclear detonation and interaction, references The Effects of Nuclear Weapons, Glasstone, for the effects of the bomb and interaction with the asteroid. I believe Glasstone's work is most applicable on earth. It does not discuss nuclear bombs in outer space. I believe the interaction of the bomb with the atmosphere is a significant difference between on-earth and in-space shots. At least two nuclear bombs have been detonated in space, but I do not know much about them.

So, perhaps someone should get a PhD: Modeling the interaction of nuclear bombs on asteroids, investigating methods to improve bomb efficiency using reflectors and existing craters, and/or updating chapter 3 of Project Icarus to include new models, new technology (better clocks, sensors).

-- Mike

Selected Representatives

A constitution allowing all citizens to choose their congressperson or become a congressperson.

The 435, or so, congresspersons with the most citizens having their votes casted by the congressperson on the citizen's behalf will be invited to use Congress's area in the Capitol building. To ease the transition, the current 435 congresspersons will be registered initially as the congresspersons representing those they currently represent.

Citizens can change the congressperson voting on the citizen's behalf at any time using the web service, snailmail service, or at any government building.

If any legislation remains in the top 20, or so, most importantly ranked legislative ideas for 50, or so, days then all congresspersons must vote within 20, or so, days. Congresspersons failing one such vote are then unable to vote for 50, or so, days.

Any citizen or congressperson can cast legislation importance votes at any time. Congresspersons can vote at any time. Legislation with a majority of all able votes is sent to the President for veto/approval.

I envision the web service as similar to a forum website with a voting area. I envision the snailmail service as similar to the current booklets given out to voters with additional information about the status of support for different legislative ideas. Government buildings would provide access to both.

Like all ideas, this is incomplete.

Those willing to, might.

Peace -- Mike

Another Dream

I was in the basement of the Sumner house and Matthew was in his old room. An official person in the living room was opening the Perudo (liar's dice) bag. Inside, I knew there were instructions to make meth (I am halfway through season two of Breaking Bad). I tell M@ that we need to learn this lesson and hide things. I then move two guitar hero controllers and some glass jars from the nightstand of the second basement bed onto some other stuff on the bed, then I pace around for a bit.

I woke up at 4:30, got up, and went back to bed. It felt like I had trouble falling back asleep. There was wind hitting my face from the air vent above my bed, so I closed it and climbed back into bed. I later realized that closing the vent was a dream, so I might not have had trouble falling asleep after all.

I was jumping (almost flying) around the pacing path at mom’s house. I jumped each length of the path, landing to turn and jump again. I occasionally jumped against mom but she was on the phone, so I did not hit hard. Looking out a window by the door, I see large bushes blocking my view of the street. I also see a bee on a window by the door. I walked out to the front yard and watched mom and Shay simultaneously move the truck and van from the near side of the mini to the far side. Shay bumped into Chief as he was stopping. Chief walked it off. Shay got out of the truck and I saw he was sleeping. Then mom got out of the van and I saw she was driving from the back seat.

Standing in the yard, I decide it is time to fly. I lift off a few feet and land again. I then lift off and fly around 1227, about 40’ up. I land in the yard and take off again in a superman pose. I fly over six boulders in the sky at about cloud level and land. Finally, I take off for the stars. I find myself in a swimming pool, a guard puts AJAX on the rubber gloves I’m wearing. I wash the gloves and decide to teach myself how to backflip. I walk towards the diving board but can’t find it and quickly give up. The pool seems smaller with more people around it, so I head to the pool snack shop. I ask what are good snacks while dreaming, twice. Both people recommend plastic toys, one of which I hold to examine for a bit. The store clerk and I talk for a while outside the pool snack shop. I begin to tell him about this dream, when I reach the part about flying I wake up at 6:00.

This morning, I had another awesome dream in which I moved rapidly around a large building as if I had ice skates on. After exploring the second and first floors (awesome), I went into a class and received feedback on something I'd written. They said it was very narrative and to the point, I told them I was an engineer. They gave me a paper with a red binary heart next to the math they used to encode the message of love into it. There was a 3 in the binary at the bottom. Then I examined the first floor apartment, it was empty except my food in the fridge. I spoke with a dream character about the food and enjoyed the view out of the many windows.

Happy 2012!

Since May

Happy end of 2011.

Since graduation, my life has taken some unexpected turns; as I somewhat expected it would. At graduation, I lost that which occupied the majority of my waking life since I was 5. The day after graduation, I lost the most important person in my life. In November, I lost my career, apartment, and purpose.

If nothing else, I guess I learned another lesson in attachment. I've got more to complain about, but we've all faced difficulties.

Anywhom, here are some books I've read since graduation (in decreasing recommendation):
The Good Book - Grayling
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - Pirsig
Skinny Legs and All - Robbins
The Spirit Molecule - Strassman
Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming - LeBerge
Blink - Gladwell
Naked Pictures of Famous People - Stewart
Machine Design - Norton
Physics of the Future - Kaku
The Fractional Calculus - Oldham
The Divine Proportion - Huntley
The Alchemist - Coelho
Project Icarus (1979) - MIT
Handbook to Higher Consciousness - Keyes
Meditation : The Complete Guide - Monaghan
That's Not What I Meant - Tannen
The Prophet - Gibran
The Art of Imperfection - Vienne

-- Haven't Finished --
Evolve Your Brain - Dispenza
Masterpieces of World Philosophy - Magill
Confidence Men - Suskind
Synergetics - Fuller

... bet you didn't see that coming. And while we're off topic, here are some concerts I've attended since graduation: A Perfect Circle, Primus, Bassnectar, Deadmau5, Amber Vexation, Skream, Pretty Lights, STS9, Umphrey's McGee.

Facing Fears Dream

I’m in the pool room at mom’s watching some cop drama on TV. I ask what happened to the pool table. The other guy says it is over there and points around the room. I see it in three pieces that don’t make sense. He says we took it apart. I couldn’t remember doing that. (At the time I could remember earlier in the dream)

I wake up in a courtroom. There are lots of people, as if court was about to begin. I was at the prosecutor’s desk so I grabbed a pile of my shirts and walked out. The lobby was also full of people. I went out to the parking lot and tried to find the mini. I gave up quickly and I decided to walk. There was a big white tent attached to the side of the courthouse with chairs. A big tractor drove into the tent pulling a super long seating trailer. ~8 seats per row and ~25 rows, it had to be 150ft long. The back axel had ~12 wheels and stuck out on both sides. As the trailer was turning into the tent the back axel got caught on a large support of the tent, the trailer stopped.

I walk around taking pictures as more people show up. Barriers begin appearing around scene to keep people away. I continue walking around looking for a good shot; others are also taking pictures. I find two guys I seem to know and tell them about my plan to climb above a door to get a good view. The whole scene is now indoors similar to the big gym at Silver Creek. They don’t want to try the plan for fear of getting caught. I show them the people that would catch us and say they’re not looking. They’re still not interested. I show them that if we do get caught above the doorway then we can take a path along the side of the wall to get to the secret elevator.

They didn’t know about the secret elevator so I lead them to the back of the gym and show them the main and secret elevators. This secret room behind the gym is a reoccurring area for me, so I became lucid and jet-packed around. However, the secret area was pretty interesting so I stuck with them to look around. We looked at all the school’s secret rooms. The room that I thought had teleporters in it ended up having cryogenic machines. One of the guys hooked in and set it for ~17sec. While he was drifting off the other guy said he was no longer focusing his eyes. I felt the two metal spikes going into his thumb as if it were my thumb. He fell asleep.

I turned to the other guy and said this was all a dream and that’s why the pool table didn’t make sense (same guy). The dream starts to fade; I focus on talking, making eye contact, and squeezing my fists. Guards come to the cryogenic room and I throw my gloves at them with telekinesis; then stole one of their hats and telekinetically throw them out of the room. The awake guy turns to attack me; I run and throw things at him. He repeatedly shoots me with ball-bearings from a blowgun. I get hit a few times, it quite unpleasant.

I run downstairs and find myself trapped. When he comes near, I grab his neck and try to pull his spine out. I start running back upstairs and see that it didn’t work and that he’s after me again. Then I remember the chapter about nightmares from the lucid dreaming book.

He’s about a foot from me on the stairs and I accept that whatever will happen, will happen. I don’t try to stop his attack. He waits there, staring me down. Nothing happens. We are then walking together in a warehouse, I tell him that I’m dreaming (in case he forgot) and that we’re both creations of my mind. I say, “Somewhere there is someone dreaming that looks like me” and I point to my face. He seems confused by this. I was wondering what he saw of my face. I thought about becoming him so I could see my face but woke up.

Unrelated, I had a lucid dream ~3 nights ago. Once lucid I tried to jump through a wall and failed. But I did make it out the window and then flew.

Luge Dream

I was walking around in a house with few furnishings; outside of one room was a small river with a bridge to another part of the one-story house. I was wondering what day it was and whether I had overslept because I knew I had some obligation Monday at 11a. I concluded it was the weekend simply because I wound have otherwise known what day it was. Then I realized that yesterday was Wednesday the 12th so today must be Thursday the 13th (happy birthday Phill). After looking at the water, I came back inside but my eyes did not adjust to the relatively brighter room, everything went black and I awoke.

I lay very still in bed and in roughly two minutes, I was dreaming again.

It was night and I was walking down a small road. I began gaining speed and leaned back. I glided until I ran out of momentum and landed in a streetluge position. I continued speeding up and then lifting off, gliding for a few feet and landing, once I did so to dodge a car.

It is daylight now and a bike attached to another bike by a large cube around them passes me with one rider. I continue occasionally gliding down a hill. I pass the rider on the silly cube double-bike. I stop at the bottom of the hill to look at the surrounding mountains; I take pictures. The biker, no longer with an attached double bike cube, rides past me. The mountain closest to me reminds me of South Table and behind it, I see jagged snow-covered peaks; it was a quality view. The viewfinder of my camera was remarkably sensitive; a small movement caused the shot to change far more than it should have. So I decide to dream-check. I look at the picture number, 214, look at the mountains, then back at the picture number. My camera starts freaking out, as if I were mashing buttons; so I decide to try hovering, it works, and I conclude I am dreaming. I realize I will never see those pictures that I just took, too bad.

I think about my dream goals and decide that I want to talk to a dream character. I walk over to a nearby trail and tell the person there my name, location, that I’m dreaming, and if she wants water. She drinks some water but doesn’t say much. I start to lose vision and try spinning to remain in the dream, unsuccessful, I tell her that the dream will likely end in 3-4 seconds. I pour the water on my hand and regain vision to see it fall into the small river at the house and feel a dog sneeze on my arm. I remain lucid and start walking around again. Again, my eyes adjust to the outside and when I walk inside things go dark, so I try spinning in the doorway only to wake up. I didn’t open my eyes for a few minutes and focused on recalling the dream; wondering if I should record it.

I think the moral to the story is that dream spinning is not very effective for me. I’ve had recent success prolonging lucid dreams by rubbing my fingers together and pouring water on my hand. So physical touch seems to work, I need to experiment with auditory focus.

Lucid Superpowers

I'm currently reading 'Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming', among other things. I hope to improve my ability to have lucid dreams. They are pretty cool.

Here's a half remembered list of supernatural things I've done in previous lucid dreams:

Flying / Hovering: I've flown many times and can usually achieve flight pretty easily if that's what I want to do. Hovering is much easier than walking. I've hovered many times a few feet above ground. I once hovered up stairs.

Telekinesis: In one dream I was throwing juggling balls away from myself and pulling them back to my hand. In a later dream, I juggled without using my hands.

Teleportation: I tried to walk through a wall and failed so I closed my eyes and imagined myself underwater. I began swimming upward through the ceiling of the room I was in. Before I opened my eyes, I imagined an office setting, and opened my eyes to find myself there.

Modification: I was swimming in a pool and stopped to see someone sitting on the side. I didn't know the person, so I changed who they were into someone I wanted to see. Unfortunately, their face didn't come out right. There were two large holes in their skin.

Creation: I wanted to try eating in a lucid dream, so I created two pieces of bread in front of me and began dispensing jelly from my finger. After the jelly, I had my finger write in peanut butter on the other piece, then put it together and ate my Pb+J.

I was recently successful viewing my reflection, but there's nothing supernatural about that. I had just wanted to see it in a dream.

The book has some ideas for things to do while lucid dreaming, but I haven't read that far yet. Here are some things I'd still like to do:

Talk to dream characters: My lucid dream conversations are usually short because I am excited to exercise a supernatural power. I would like to have a long conversation.

Consciously change into a giant or pea-sized person.

Write something legibly: My dream handwriting is really bad.

Now that I'm writing this, I think it would be cool to have 360 vision (idea from Waking Life) or to have my consciousness in two different bodies (this sounds quite difficult).

Grad School

Well, I've been done with school for quite some time now but seem to have forgotten to record anything here for over a year. It was quite an interesting year.

In the Fall of 2010, I took:

Nuclear Material Science and Engineering, Olson, A: As the name might suggest, this class was a materials class. Most of the students in the class were from the materials department and the Nuclear Engineers had to play catch up learning their silly diagrams and grain images. Among other things, we looked the physical properties of Pu and U, along with techniques used to work with these very hard to work with metals. Grading consisted mostly of tests, which I found difficult due to the material science sections.

Nuclear Power and Public Policy, Schneider, A-: Oh this class... Lots of reading, writing, and in class discussion. Which I kinda some coming from an English class. Given that it was an English class, it was ok overall. I felt the reading was worthwhile and the assignments based on the reading were difficult, but reasonable for this level. We read a anti-nuclear book, a pro-nuclear book, and a book about giving unbiased opinions. Like most of the documents I produced my graduate year, I feel I did a good job on these assignments. People that know me are welcome to contact me for a copy of papers written in this class or in the others.

Nuclear Reactor Design, King, B+: This class had a slow start, a slow middle, and a frantic rush at the end. There were seven in the class, split into two teams. On each team students learned a unique transport code (SCALE, Serpent, MCNP, or Attila). I was the only one to choose Attila. This decision brought about some difficulty, as I was the only person on campus that had used the program, I was on my own. Over the semester we all tried to learn our codes as best we could then design, from scratch, a nuclear reactor. Our group designed a molten salt fast reactor aimed at high burnup, ~600MWe. We really only got our act together to start actually designing with a month left in the semester, so I don't have a lot of faith in our final design.

Nuclear Reactor Lab, Debey, A: This was a great class. There were about 10 students. We drove to the USGS Triga Reactor at the Denver Federal Center early in the morning for a short meeting describing the day's activities, a short quiz about covered material, then a hands-on experiment using the reactor. Lab reports of the experiment were due the following week. I am quite happy with the reports I wrote for this class along with the experience I gained operating the reactor.

Nuclear Science and Engineering Seminar, King, A: Seminar was good. Show up to 12 talks throughout the year, get an A. There weren't 12 given specifically for the nuclear department, so I had to attend relevant talks in other departments and write a summary.

In the Spring of 2011, I took:

Environmental Stewardship of Nuclear Resources, Kozak, A-: This class was pretty easy. Most of the students were from environmental programs, there were roughly 6 nuclear students. We looked at radiological releases into the environment and methods of cleaning them. We also visited Rocky Flats, which was remarkably un-rocky and remarkably flat. Towards the end of the semester, we were broken into groups for a mock set of meetings relating to the cleanup of nearby contamination. I was in the group responsible for the contamination. Our lengthy final report detailed pathways the contamination could affect citizens and what the consequences of that interaction may be.

Nuclear and Isotopic Geochemistry, Simmons/Humphrey, B+: We looked at various radiological dating techniques. Based on isotopic differences in surprisingly many things, we are able to estimate when that system underwent a certain change. i.e. An animal dies and no longer intakes Carbon-14, over time this radioactive carbon decays, based on the difference between the isotopic carbon composition of the corpse and that of its environment we are able to estimate when it died. The systems we spent most of our time studying were more relevant to Geochemistry, dating rocks and the like. I was the only nuclear student among roughly 7 geochem students.

Design and Simulation of Thermal Systems, Braun, A-: After the first class period I regretted signing up. The homework load was quite high and I really could have used the time for other classes. That being said, I learned a lot. It was a good review of Thermodynamics, Heat Transfer, and System Analysis. Most of the work was done in EES, a simultaneous equation solver with thermodynamic properties built in. I was the only nuclear student in a room of mechanical Master's students. I put a lot of work into the final project and am happy with the result.

Introduction to Monte Carlo Practical Applications, Shayer, A-: This class was pretty awkward most of the time. There were two students in the class and one person auditing. The professor phrased everything as a question, which he expected you to agree with. So, once a week, I got to nod my head for three hours. I liked the assignments in the course. Half of the homework revolved around developing our own Monte Carlo code to simulate radiation transfer, while the other half taught us to use the most common of such codes. There was remarkably little direction in the class, we never got a syllabus, handouts describing homework assignments, or (for that matter) anything on paper. He described the homework assignments and projects to use in two or three sentences, which took us 10+ hours to complete.

Nuclear Science and Engineering Seminar, King, A: Horray seminar!

Benchmarking the Attila Radiation Transport code, King/Self, B+: I built models in the deterministic radiation transport code Attila based on four different experiments I selected from the SINBAD database, attempting to reproduce the experimental results in order to verify that Attila produced accurate answers. I reported on my progress at weekly meetings of the students in the nuclear department who were conducting primarily computational research. Early in the semester, I thought I had finished simulating one of the experiments, so I scheduled my time based on this early success. As the semester progressed and I learned more about Attila, I realized this project was far larger and would take far longer to complete than my early optimistic expectation. Towards the end of the semester, I was spending the majority of my free time simultaneously on two or three of the really nice computers in the nuclear lab. Long rambling short, it all came together and I wrote a paper and made a poster, which I presented at the:

ANS Student Conference in Atlanta: Dr. King, a fellow nuclear student, and I flew out to Atlanta for three nights of conference fun. I consider this weekend as an integral part of my education. There were many people there from all aspects of the nuclear field and I enjoyed learning what all there was. The food, presentations, venues, and sights were all pretty awesome. I shared a room with Brendan from Iowa State. I went to as many of the events as I could, although I would not have missed it if I didn't go to the monologue-play about Madam Currie.

Welp, that's that. In May of 2011, I graduated with a Master's of Science in Nuclear Engineering.

Summer has been quite relaxing, but it is about time I got a job.

-- Michael

Trying in School

I think I’m going to approach the coming semester in a way generally new to me. It is my aim to engage the content of my classes. This is the content I would like to be well versed in. Employment will be the test of my abilities to master the courses in the coming semester.

Nuclear Material Science and Engineering
Nuclear Power and Public Policy
Nuclear Reactor Design
Nuclear Reactor Lab
Nuclear Science and Engineering Seminar

Fuck yes.

The seminar is one credit hour, the rest are three. I’m quite excited to learn this stuff. My two graduate courses last semester were not exceptionally more difficult than those of my undergrad. I purchased the books for the public policy course a few weeks ago. This is the mandatory grad-level English class for those in the nuclear department. I tried reading into the required anti-nuclear energy book but that didn’t last too long and now I’m five chapters into the pro-nuclear energy book: Power to Save the World: The Truth about Nuclear Energy by Gwyneth Cravens.

I feel the book is too much like a story. By which I mean, it has much more of a plot than the textbooks I read. The author is toured around nuclear reactors, refineries, mines, and disposal sites by the well spoken nuclear engineer, then she researches the topics and presents her results among a sometimes wordy story of the characters travels.

Ha, I wrote a book review, that’s funny.

Yep, I’ve been reading and chilling in Pueblo for the past while and now I’m ready to engage the content of the semester soon upon us.

Edit comment: The "I think..." and "I feel..." paragraphs of this post are written very differently; I suspect I might even engage the English class.

Peace -- Mike

Writing what I’m thinking

Which is to say: Lookout, I’m writing and will likely say nothing!
I’m attempting to write what I think in an effort to record something meaningful and worthwhile. It’s tough not to stop after every word or sentence and think ahead to what I may write.

I think the natural breaks that people take when they speak are adequate in length to provide time for the necessary thoughts through what they should say next if they haven’t yet decided. Thinking back on that sentence, yes, it’s obvious, but I feel that to become a better speaker I need to make use of these natural pauses, such that
I need not plan the things I say to the extent I do. I believe this policy will result in me saying more embarrassing or simply incorrect things as it has in trial runs.

I thought much more about the above paragraph than it may let on. I know, I’m describing something as opposed to an attempt to type unfiltered; I’m ok with that. Recording my thoughts in words puts that limitation on this attempt, and the level of clarity I use in the things said here, represents the extent of this limitation.

Anyway...

The world seems much more manageable to me in 2010. My relationship with Sam A has been very rewarding. This summer has allowed us many opportunities, in many different places, to spend time together and I’ve enjoyed it a great deal. We are both very calm people that have a lot of fun and enjoy being in love with each other.

The world seeming more manageable may have something to my shiny new engineering diploma. I still consider myself to be in school because I don’t have a serious job. However in less than a year, it’s a safe bet that I’ll be desperately searching for a very serious job with my shiny new Master’s degree. And once I get said serious job, the second quarter of my life will be just beginning.

I like where I stand in my life. Things are good. Things could always be better and someday they might be. I imagine grad school will be very educational and will require a lot of work.

The above took around half an hour to write, setting a record in my blog. I see this post having many simple sentences.

Peace -- Mike

Mountain Flying Dream

Josh was driving an orange truck, very similar to Sam’s truck, and I was in the passenger seat. We stopped by Ian’s house to pick up a cooler. Ian was outside with an older man and a younger child, he brought the cooler up to the truck and we drove on. We drove a couple blocks to a house that I understood to be Josh’s. Preparing to back into the driveway, Josh passed the driveway and began reversing. He turned the wheel the wrong way and instead of going into the driveway he sent the truck slowly over a ~20ft cliff backwards. The truck made a complete back flip, landing on its wheels. I looked over at Josh and watched his eyes roll back in his head. I guess I lost consciousness as well. I woke up on a nearby embankment. I could see a highway in front of the dirt road we had fallen off of. I knew I was dreaming; so it became time to fly. I saw The Rocky Mountains way off in the distance and prepared to break my dream flying speed record. The acceleration to maybe 30 mph took ~5 seconds. The next 30 miles went by blindingly quickly, I would say another 5 seconds. (Aside: I think flying in my dreams comes in stages: takeoff, initial acceleration, crazy acceleration, and impact / landing.) With my feet forward I landed on a very pleasant hillside, featuring very green grass, a blue sky, sunshine, an amazing view, and a father and son playing catch. I watched for a bit thinking that I should do something other than flying. I walked around a bit, sat for a bit, and looked at the sun through my fingers. Facing the sun, I floated up to ~40ft above the mountain top and, staring into the sun, everything went white.

I came to lying at the bottom of the hill (the peak) that I had lifted off from. It was night and a superhighway was in front of me almost blocking my view of the truck accident. I looked at the stars and considered taking my flying to the next level. I lifted off originally towards the moon, but once I got ready to begin accelerating the moon wasn’t there. I saw a nearly empty circle of stars in the sky with one in the center and ~4 more orbiting it very quickly. Naturally (or not), I began my acceleration towards it. Once I began crazy acceleration I found myself walking into a mansion. The butler walked over to me and said nothing. So I told him I was dreaming and that he could do anything he wanted to. I continued walking in the house, found the chef, and told him the same. I went to the front window and realized this house was on the green hill from earlier.

I awoke thinking that I didn’t want to live in a mansion. This dream was interesting because I visited the same places a few times but the place was different in lighting and contents. This dream was also very beautiful; everything was in full detail, I could see very far in most directions, and the content and color of everything I saw was simply beautiful.

Peace -- Mike

Graduated

It seems that I haven’t yet posted about my final semester as an undergraduate, so here we go.

Nuclear Reactor Physics, King, A: This class double counted for my undergrad and graduate degrees. Most of the kids in the 5-Year Nuclear Master’s program were in this class and Radiation. The class was graded solely on six (or maybe five) assessments: An exam on Nuclear Reactions and Interactions, a public service announcement on Reactor Core and Operation Basics (I want to get a copy of the movie my group made), a Reactor Kinetics computer model (Micah and I wrote one sick Mathmatica notebook), a take home test on Neutron Diffusion, and an exam on Feedback Effects. Overall, this was a great class. A few too many of the classes were spent in groups trying to solve problems before he had shown us a similar example. The take home test is the only thing I ended up getting an “intermediate” (B) on… it was quite tricky. But overall, I hope the rest of Grad school is similar to this class; lectures and exams.

Radiation Detection and Measurement, Greife, B: The first half of the semester was lecture covering basic principles of radiations detection, error analysis, and other nuclear concepts. In the second half, teams of two made measurements of radioactive sources and analyzed the spectrum given off. From the spectrum the contents, abundances, and relative geometries could be determined and included in a fairly lengthy write-up. Being new to grad school, I wanted to get the lab write-ups done and out of my hair. However, my lap partner Nate decided not to respond to my emails and in-class reminders until the last week of class. So that weekend we wrote all three write-ups… and by ‘we’, I mostly am referring to myself. For one of the labs I spent a few hours in front of Mathcad and by the end I felt that I deserved a metal.

Senior Design, Hecht, B: Continuing from last semester Helen, Caitlin, Jasmin, Paul, and I designed a Locking Ring to lift a rail wheel for Kiewit. We did a good job overall, ending with a 3D printed prototype of a well tested (in SolidWorks Simulation) design. The bolt and shackle were off the shelf components. At the last minute we did have to remove a few of the complex curves from the design to lower the cost of manufacturing. There was also an essay for the class with a pretty-bogus prompt, which I felt I wrote a quality paper for.

Linear Algebra, Bridgman, A: For some reason I’ve always wanted to know linear algebra and I’m really glad I took this class. Just like probability, I really took to the material and aced the exams. Looking back on my undergraduate career, I’m very glad for every math class I took: Calc 2, Calc 3, Diff Eq, Prob Stat, AEM, Probability, and Linear. For extra credit I played some setgame.com. I have a few more free electives to fill in grad school and high-end math looks like a very intimidating option. I might be held back by my lack of programming skill but who knows; perhaps partial differential equations are for me.

Intro to Robotics, Steele, A: Albert and I built and programmed some pretty cool robots. The robots consisted of a Handy Board, sitting atop a Lego creation, programmed in visual C. Most of the labs introduced a new sensor and a new way to solve the physical maze Dr. Steele had setup. Our first robot bumped into the walls blindly, if it hit a wall it would turn right, if it quickly hit another it would turn around (thus making a left turn at the wall) then drive forward. By the end our robot had IR sensors in front and off to one side, it would follow one wall of the maze until it made it to the end then optimize the path it took, such that it would not fall into any dead ends. Overall, I would recommend this class, although the grading was a bit nit-picky at times.

Well… That‘s that. On May 14th 2010 I graduated Magna Cum Laude from the Colorado School of Mines. The ceremony went well and I enjoyed spending the weekend with Sam and the fam. Pretty soon after I was on my way to California for an awesome time. Pictures are on Facebook and a few write-ups of what we did early on can be found on Sam’s blog: spiffysam.wordpress.com/

Peace -- Mike

Flying Dreams

In the past week I've had three lucid dreams. In each of which, I decided to fly. To date, these are the only times I’ve flown. I would estimate that I’ve had maybe a dozen lucid dreams in my life.

In the first of these recent dreams, I was in an apartment talking with Sam. I didn’t recognize the room and it seemed oddly empty of room-things. So I thought that I might be dreaming and that I should float. As soon as I started thinking about floating, I was. I floated out into the hallway then floated to the end, over to the front door. I was moving around walking speed. When I got to the door, someone I don’t know let someone else I didn’t know into the apartment. The living room of this apartment had typical living room things and boxes piled on top of them. Most everything I remember from the dream was very white.

The second dream went on for a long time before I became lucid. It began with a few sword fights with people in armor; I then ran through a dark village place and attacked a few unarmed people. Somehow I wound up in a movie theater lobby. Sam was the only one around; I think we spoke for a bit before I realized I was dreaming. I wanted to fly more ambitiously than last time so I jumped and punched through the four layers of ceiling standing in my way. The view was spectacular as I emerged from the building with my sword. There was a perfectly green park in front of me, a forest off to the left, a giant parade to my right, people and cars lining the streets, mountains off in the distance, and a very blue sky. I kept rising and flew over the park. I did a few circles over the perimeter of the park, but I couldn’t really control my elevation as I flew. I was always rising and flying with my chest pointed in the direction of my travel. I would guess that I was going around 30mph.

The third dream also went on for a long time before I became lucid. I don’t remember much of it, but I was outside in a desert town running from someone. I dodged some bullets by lying in an aqueduct and hid behind a tree for a bit. I’m not sure how I became lucid this time, but I tried jumping to start flying and it didn’t work. I then just thought about it and I was up in the air. I had full control of my elevation this time. I saw some plateaus off in the distance, from takeoff to landing I would guess it took me around 10 seconds to get on top of a plateau on my initial horizon. I then quickly flew to a city park area and landed on a tall building. I looked around, but don’t remember the view. I landed on the ground and a young boy walked up to me and started talking to me. I didn’t really want to talk as my dreams don’t usually last long after I become lucid. He asked me if I knew the meaning of life; I closed my eyes and slowly fell backwards such that I was lying on the ground. A few seconds later I floated back to a standing position and told him I didn’t know. We walked together at the park and he asked me for butter. Conveniently, right in front of us there was a bowl / trash can / art thing with some butter inside of it. I scooped out the butter and handed it to him. He asked if I would be around again and I said I usually arrive by train in the middle of the day. It was night time and I tried to get one more flight in but woke up instead.

It seems the trick for me to have lucid dreams is to sleep in. Each of these was the last dream I had that day and the last two occurred around 9:00a. I’ve also had a few nightmares recently that occurred in the middle of the night. I suppose I should stop accepting scary things as scary and start challenging them in the likely event that I’m dreaming.

Peace
-- Mike

Senior Year

Maybe there is a light at the end of the education tunnel. The passing of this most recent semester represents my seventh of ten to complete at Mines, provided all things continue to go well.

Macroeconomics, Kulkarni, A: Compared to my other classes this semester, Macroeconomics had a surprisingly high level of Curtis. Before class we typically spent some time memorizing an arbitrary sheet of facts that I had laminated (mainly numerical facts). I’ve still got most of them lying around in my head. Also, before the break I printed out a second sheet with facts about states, presidents, primes, and squares. I don’t think I’ll be able to completely memorize this one as easily. Anyway, the class was pretty slow paced; oh, 300-levels… Each class covered one main topic to be known for one of the four exams throughout the semester. No single topic was particularly hard to grasp, but to perform well on the tests it definitely helped that I had simply memorized all of my notes since the last test. The jokes were corny and repetitive, but it didn’t really bother me.

Probability, Navidi, A: I believe that I was the only non-math major in the class. Unlike Macro, I believe the average grade in this class was significantly lower than my own. I definitely felt like a curve killer on all three of the tests, with a perfect score on the second one… Something about this kind of math, the way Dr. Navidi presented it, and my previous probability experience made the class meaningful and simple for me. I also found this class rather entertaining, while there were occasional corny jokes; I found the subtle, and not so subtle, nuances to be far more humorous. Should I ever find myself in the roll of an instructor, I will attempt to duplicate many of the structures Dr. Navidi used. Class always began exactly on time with, “Welcome to another exciting day of class, first are there any questions?” pause (silent class) “Ok, are there any comments?” pause “Is there anything anyone would like to say for the betterment of the class?” pause “Alright, I can see you’re all quite eager to get started, so here we go.” He also presented the material with a remarkable layout; all theorems began with an underlined “Thm:” proofs with “Proof:” remarks, corollaries, asides, equations, and notes were all introduced with their respective abbreviation and an oral overview of what was to be written before anything else was written on the board. Any one of these could occupy exactly one quarter of the board area, written in a perfect column from top to bottom, never squeezing information off to a side or jumping to another board location.

Senior Design, Turner, Zeles-Hahn, A: Eh, lecture was boring but required. Our team, among the busywork, analyzed a WaterPik flossing device. Paul, Helen, Diana, Ryan, and I received high scores on our reports and overall did a good job on the reverse-engineering project. Scores were publicly posted by Mines I.D. number, and I was quite shocked to learn that I had the second highest grade in the class (95%) of approximately 180 seniors. I would be willing to bet that the person with a higher grade was on my team. After the first twelve weeks or so, this two-semester class shifted to its main purpose, actual engineering design. Of note, this is the first semester senior design has had a reverse-engineering project before the actual design project. For the second phase of the class Helen, Paul, Jasmin, Caitlin, and I are designing a rail-wheel crane attachment for a very hard to contact client. Our group was assigned to the ever-judging Norm Hecht. Weekly meetings include the members of our team justifying their position on the team.

Advanced Mechanics of Materials, Ciobanu, B: Not the best professor and not the best class. I felt the class was just linear algebra applied to the most basic mechanics equations as opposed to advanced topics not covered in basic mechanics. Too many of the class periods were spent watching, very impressive, derivations of the complex equations necessary in the class. Many of the students made it clear on the evaluations that we trust what we see, and if we don’t need to know how to derive these equations, then it’s not necessary to derive all of them. There were remarkably few graded assignments in the class, which is partly where I place the blame for my poor performance. While grading the midterm, Ciobanu only checked for correct answers and did not award partial credit for procedure, which sounds like the whines from a student with a sore grade, which it just might be. However, the majority of the classes missed at least the same question on the midterm, so I believe that question, at least, should have the procedure graded.

Nuclear Physics, Cecil, A: I believe I was the only non-physics major in the class. While much of the quantum mechanics went right over my head, the methods Dr. Cecil chose to present the material made it very relevant. Often topics were rooted in simple well-known experiments, then built by relevant research papers, and concluded with a homework assignment not so different from an in-class example. One such homework assignment that sticks out in my mind, went as follows: Given a graph of the relative detection intensities at varying angles for different target materials of high energy alpha particles plotted against the particles deflected angle, show evidence that nucleons are incompressible. The solution to said, poorly-reworded, problem is as follows: Looking at the graph of intensity vs. angle we notice a generally decreasing function (as angle from the target increases it’s less likely for an alpha particle to be deflected in that direction) with a slight vertical oscillation as it decreases. So we think to ourselves… hum self, I’ve seen this kind of function before, why it looks like the intensity of a double slit experiment as one moves away from the center. All particles act as waves, so via the DeBrogle equation we then find the “wavelength” of an alpha particle. From an intensity graph we find the angle between relative maxima or minima and assert that this difference in angle represents a single wavelength of the alpha particle as it was bent around the target nuclei and constructively or destructively interfered with itself. Throw some trig at the problem and the diameter of the nuclei can be found. Repeat for different target nuclei and plot distance across nuclei verses the total number of nucleons. Apply a best fit function to the data and notice that the diameter of a nucleus is proportionate to the cube root of the total number of nucleons. Ah, that’s interesting we think… The diameter of a sphere (or other shape) is also proportionate to the cube root of that sphere’s volume. So, nucleons are probably incompressible. This effect is only observed at high alpha particle energy, as it is necessary for the particle to overcome the coulomb barrier (alpha and nucleus both being positively charged repel each other) and “hit” the nucleus to scatter. (Editing note: I don’t know why I left this example in)

Well, that about covers it for classes. These 15 credit hours at a 3.8 GPA bring the cumulative up to 3.717. In the spring I am registered for 15 hours with 6 of those double counted towards: Masters of Science (Nuclear Engineering), Non-thesis option. Program Requirements: 36 total credit hours, consisting of core coursework (21h), seminar in a participating department (2h), additional elective courses (9h) and Independent Study (4h) working on a research project with a faculty member working in nuclear science and engineering. Fun fun.

According to the intersphere I’ll graduate May 14, 2010 and May 13, 2011. This, if you ask me, is pretty far away.

What else… I’m one long chapter away from finishing the book I’ve chosen to read over break: Introduction to Nuclear Engineering, 3rd ed., J. Lamarsh, A. Baratta. One of the graduate classes I’m taking in the spring posted a partial syllabus with six textbooks on it. Huzza for reading the entire textbook in advance. I’m also halfway through two of the other four nuclear textbooks I have. So with any luck I’ll be able to finish one of those up before the semester starts. Unfortunately, neither of those two is on the syllabus; whereas, the two I haven’t started are. Oh well, good to get them off of the reading pile.

I should be finding out about a summer internship at Comanche Peak Nuclear Power Plant in the next couple days. Needless to say, it would be really sweet to land this gig and get some experience in the Nuclear Field.

Well, that’s probably enough of an academic update.

Hello 2010. How are you?
Peace -- Mike

As We Speak

Our actions are based on commitments from the past. First, we decide to do or say something, then we trust ourselves while doing it, that the something is worth completing. If we reevaluate during the process then we may find something else to do.

Once a sentence is started there is a commitment to finish it. But once I start speaking a sentence I move on in my mind to other things. Often once I have thought about what comes next I no longer feel like that sentence I am still in the process of saying is worth saying. Perhaps half way through, it becomes obvious what the response of the other person will be. Then from that, my response to theirs may not be worth saying.

Writing is different. Each word can be evaluated many times before the final document is published for others to view and make interpretations from the selection presented to them. The author can mentally wander around and return to write the couple next words. What is read is then the concentrated form of what was meant.

Speaking represents one-shot, one-opportunity, to state your case with the hope that those listening are actively attempting to follow. I believe that a major characteristic of a person that I base my opinion of them on is how actively they listen. I believe many people passively listen. If a passive listener hears something clearly then they interpret it. However, if there is a doubt in their mind they ask for clarification. I see an active listener as one who actively focuses on hearing while another speaks. An active listener attempts to recreate unheard parts of sentences before responding or processing. I see this as different from an attempt of the listener to understand or be empathetic. I see the basis of active listening as the listener’s focus. I feel like this became a personal rant.

One who pictures understanding as levels of thought has limited themselves to the second level.

Woo! Minesweeper No-Flag expert in 135 seconds.

Oh right, I was totally writing something here... hum... oh commitments from the past; well let me get back to it.

Hopefully, what is written here in itself provides a fair metaphor for thinking while speaking. If one were thinking the above written instead of reading what is written above then I believe it would have taken less than the time required to say something meaningful. So, I have jumped back to the beginning, but now that I am again writing about it does it really seem the same? Do I feel the same things about my thoughts leaving my tongue in the dust after writing about writing being a selection for interpretation? (Edit comment: I had to reread that one five times) So if I were orally explaining the topic of my thoughts running laps around the words I was in the process of saying I do not think I would bother finishing what I was trying to express because of those things that transpired in my head would have changed how I saw the topic to be expressed.

Now for some overarching claims:
I guess this is why "nothing matters" to many people or why they do not give opinions. Once they have expressed an answer it no longer is how it was while they prepared it.

93.3 and 106.7 were both at commercials today, so I mashed the rest for the presets and wound up on 100.3 with Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield playing. I came in around halfway to the song and enjoyed listening to it. I tried to remember some of the lyrics so I could look it up later but forgot them the moment I reached my driveway. Fortunately, the station’s website provided me with the name. I do not really like the sound of it now, or the video for that matter. The message of the song reminded me of As We Speak by Soilwork. I really like this song, for the lyrics and the lofty background chorus. I have been thinking about the line "As we speak we turn to stone" recently. I interpret this line to mean that once something is spoken it defines the person that said it. So by saying things, as people we are thereafter seen as a collection of the things that we have decided to share. But I hardly share anything, and I would guess that other people share very little compared to all of the things that they think or even the things that they consider saying but do not. I see this as the source of a difference between self image and the way others see us. Others only get a portion of who we are to judge us by. I suppose that my thoughts of who someone is could be thought of as a two-dimensional slice of their three-dimensional self based on the limited context from which I know them compared to the infinite context from which they know themselves.

Speaking is such an obviously limited form of communication. We can out-think what we say; the thoughts filtered in an attempt to produce a cohesive message for the listener to understand are lost. I think how people deal with these inexpressible thoughts is important. Speaking also cannot express much of our experience in the world. To speak, removes the speaker from the state of mind that their message could be complete.

Well, I guess I will stop writing now. I wonder how editing-me will see these topics differently. I also wonder how the interpretations made by the editor will differ. Finally, I suppose I wonder too about one reading this. Will the reader be relating the above to something they have experienced, rejecting the nonsense written above, or the third option? The third option is always right.

Like Grover, I believe the above did not use any contractions. Perhaps the Quakers are right in their belief of things to be plainly spoken.

I think these are the things I have been thinking about recently that were not spoken for one reason or another. Perhaps I have been dwelling on them so that eventually they may be released, even if it is here.

Next day, pre-edit, comment: Well, for the first time in years while enjoying 11 hours of sleep, I had a lucid dream. While it was pretty long and detailed, the lucid portion came only at the end. I was in a Vegas casino under construction. There were a lot of meetings going on in the different rooms despite the walls not being completely finished. I felt like a guest but I was not there for the meetings. Eventually, I was looking for a way to leave the floor I was on, I found a two story staircase down but I was above the lower end of the staircase and there was not a rail. So I thought to myself that if I were in a dream then I could easily take this fall. So, without much more thought I jumped off. I landed on a foot, a knee, and both palms, and stopped suddenly without pain. I then realized I had survived the fall and must then be in a dream. I thought back to the real world and what I would tell people, as it was my first lucid dream in years. I never found an answer to that because I decided to stay in the lucid dream I had to focus on the things around me to prevent from awakening. I seemed to be in a large DVD store, so I quickly started reading the titles to myself. After a bit, I found my way to a wall of large glass refrigerators, like in convenience stores. I was holding a hammer and decided that dream me might as well do something cool before I awoke. I threw the hammer into one of the glass plates guarding the beverages. It cracked in place, fell to the floor as one, then shattered throwing pieces in every direction along the floor. I looked around at the pieces for a bit, and then woke up. Then I had two more really involved dreams that I was not lucid for. So concludes the next day, pre-edit, comment. Alright, it is editing time. Alright, editing time is over just like that.

Peace -- Mike

December 15 Dream

Jeff, Ryan, and I were in our house where Randall hall was; such that the front door opened east. I was looking out the front windows occasionally and we were talking something fairly important. The subject turned to tornadoes as I looked outside and saw a silhouetted tornado against a sunset sky. I told them about it and they didn’t really believe me. I went outside for a better view. I looked around and it was like a cloud city and our house had a much larger front porch held up by the same column that held up our house. The tornado seemed to be coming from the top of a large slow-flying ship and large antenna on top. Viewing the ship it flew in a direction towards my 8 o’clock with the tornado staying on top of it. As it went the tornado faded away and when Ryan and Jeff came out it had completely disappeared, we all watched the ship go around the side of the house. I took the path from the residence halls to follow it (how they really are laid out). But I didn’t take the most direct path looking back at it. Once I was on this path we were no longer in a cloud city, everything was laid out as the residence halls really are.

Before I turned the corner to see the ship I was lifted forward by a force on my neck; not in an unpleasant way. Floating along slowly in the direction of the ship, my toes just barely drug along the top of the snow. I’m not sure if I was the one making myself float or not. While floating I was wondering if Jeff and Ryan were looking, and if they were what they were thinking.

Just after turning the corner of the building I was flipped around in the air and hit the ground. I thought about them watching me and how they would never know what really just happened. I started giggling and rolling around because they would never know. I landed on an inflatable mattress. Ryan came over and grabbed the big toe of my right foot. His hand was amazingly warm, maybe ~100 degrees Fahrenheit. We talked for a while and I might have mentioned aliens but all the while he kept holding my toe. I finally said something about it and he let go. I noticed the M displaying an 8, as it does near the end of school, but it wasn’t in the right place. It appeared to be coming from the base of White Ranch open space. The 8 appeared at the base of the mountain the ship would have hit. I told Ryan it was in the wrong spot, as the real M should be on Zion, on which, there was nothing.

The white 8 turned red. Ryan and I just sat there watching it, sitting on the mattress. It then changed into a picture show, displaying around one per second. The pictures took up my entire field of view. I seemed to know why all of the pictures were in the show without ever having seen them before. So I told Ryan what each one stood for as it came up, so he would understand. I wish I could remember what I had said during this part of the dream; I think it was the point. In the first few slides was a black and white old style rotary two piece phone. I said, continuing my ramble, “The phone is symbolic of the servant.” It kept changing and I kept talking. For some reason this is the only one I remember but all the things I said were along that line. I knew the images were far away but they were all I could see.

The moment the pictures stopped I got a call. I showed Ryan it was ringing as if I had something to prove. The contact came up, “Carl” and I thought it was Karl S. one of Phillip’s old friends. I didn’t think about the spelling difference at the time. I answered and Carl/Karl said, “Hey this must be about the…” Interrupting and speaking very quickly I said, “aliens because there is no way you could have called me that fast after the slideshow.” He said nothing, I think he was shocked. Sometime later another voice came on. I thought it was his younger brother or something. (But Karl doesn’t have a brother) The voice and I talked for a bit, exchanging pleasantries and whatnot. Inside the house I was pacing around talking to him. His voice was soft and I guessed he was around 9 years old. He eventually said, “You’re a good person Michael.” I said, “Thanks” and waited as if it was time for him to tell me why he called. Around five seconds later I thought to myself that I was talking to the aliens. The dream then ended suddenly. Those were the only lines of dialogue I could recall upon awakening.

Yep. The whole thing had an important feel about it. Upon awakening I just lay there for around ten minutes. It was too dark at 6:00a to write it down it bed, so I took it downstairs to write it up.

Peace -- Mike

December 13 Dream

Someone I've been talking to recently recommended I put a pencil and paper by my bed to write down my dreams. So this is the result of the first attempt.



I initially copied this outline into word. But I kinda thought that it was an interpretation of what had happened. And more specifically my interpretation, so an hour later I don't feel bad adding more to it, as it is mine to add. So here I how I wrote it up:

12 /13 / 09
Short Dream ~10min
Watch him leave house
Watch him ride around block
Take picture in basement
Send text message

I’m in front of mom’s house somewhat out of sight. She leaves the house. Matthew puts Garfield on his back on a bike and rides around the block, I don’t actually see him do this; he just leaves on a bike with the cat on his back. The cat is just lying down on his lower back. He sticks his head over the side like a dog out of a window. The bike is a fairly old mountain bike. They talk about Matthew’s deciding not to live, more like he’s board of living and is ready for other things. He rides somewhat dangerously but the cat says he’s glad not more so. Matthew says if the cat wasn’t there he would be. They take the short way around the Greens, mostly staying in the right hand lane.

I’m following them around the block in a plane, roughly 100ft up, barely faster than bike speed. Still faster than them, so I have to circle around sometimes. This keeps up for the duration of the block (which is a short one).

He pulls into the driveway and I park at Matt’s house (down the street (different Matt)). While landing I noticed another plane much higher than me kinda watching also. Matthew watching me, or government, or just another plane? I really don’t remember landing. I kinda slowed down over Matt’s house, and then I was in his basement. In the basement I put together some ingredients: Cereal, peanut butter, flower, sugar… about 8 ingredients. I really don’t remember what they were for but I knew at the time. I’d guess they were ingredients to make Reese’s Cups, or maybe no bake cookies. I take a picture of them with my camera, rearrange them and bring in some new ones, take another picture. As if they were two different but very similar recipes.

Then I sent Matthew a text saying something like, “Nice recruitment video.” I think it said more, like how I was impressed he rode around the block with the cat on his back. It might have totaled 14 words, but I’m not really sure what it said. “Nice recruitment video” was the closest thing to it I could think of when I woke up.

This is my first picture to add to my blog. Let me assure you... my handwriting is much better than that. Unless of course I just woke up and am writing against a mattress as fast I as I can so I don't forget anything... then it looks a lot like what is shown above. I really have no idea what that text said, and maybe I shouldn't have put that guess in here, but oh well.

Yea,
-- Mike

December 10 Dream

I walked into like a police break room, and it became clear that I was their Sargent, we were on an island below Japan, and I didn't speak Japanese and they all did. So I kinda wandered around the office trying not to get noticed. I looked at a map but it didn't look like Japan but I still knew I was below it. So I tried some of the lockers to put my coat in. They all had pretty big locks on them but all the locks were undone already, so I guess I looked at the lock for a while then put my coat away. I then walked around some of the computers, it looked like they were running XP so I thought I would log onto my email. But the first one I tried was locked up and the second was at the blue screen of death. I looked around for others and there were a few but I didn't really feel like checking my email anymore. So I sat down at the table in the middle of the room where some of the officers where sitting. The two across from me started speaking pretty quickly in Japanese as if they were registering a professional complaint. But I couldn't understand a word of it, I wanted to interrupt them and let them know that I didn't understand but I kinda felt that I didn't know their culture so I shouldn't chance it. When they finished I tried explaining to them that I spoke English and couldn't understand a word they were saying. So I finally said "American" which they understood, so they pointed to one of the officers behind me who was non-oriental. So I mentioned to him that I needed an interpreter for the day which he didn't seem to care about. So I said I would make him my partner which overjoyed him. He started thanking me and asking "really" like I had just made his life goal. Throughout my entire time in this room I got that idea that I really was their Sargent but they kinda resented me because of something I had recently done, but they were willing to give me a second chance and this was it. Also, that they would follow me no matter what I did but they still didn't approve of whatever it is I had done. There was also some test, but I don't remember taking it. We got our exam breakdowns back. It was like a full page of text printed landscape, and I could read lots of it. I got a 30% in English. I think it was measuring my knowledge of English, like a 100% would be that I knew everything about English. On the other side I got like a 10% in "British" and a 0% in Japanese. The officer next to me was showing off his scores in a way that was meant to put me down. He got a 287% in Japanese, a 40% in English, and like 30% in "British."

So that's the end of scene 1.

We left the station all in one car that was like a Oldsmobile Wagon. They told me that most of the officers had gotten into suitcases in the trunk, and then there were like 3 more in the back seat, and my interpreter was driving. We drove through lots of skyscrapers that kinda reminded me of Las Vegas. Some of the casinos had the same names but there were banks that I recognized. I think it was a one way road through all these large buildings and there wasn't much traffic. I spent a good bit of time looking out the windows at the buildings, recognizing a few but not all. I guess we drove to a park.

End of scene 2.

At the park we walked over by a fence and under a couple trees and started throwing a bunch of Frisbee and Aerobies around the park, there were a couple of other people at the park doing this as well. There was like a Zen-master to our right and far away that was combining the Aerobies into different shapes and throwing those with interesting results. He once made an M and threw it kinda over a large fence a few other Aerobies went over the fence at the same time. And the M circled back and knocked the fence over from the inside. So I ran across the field to retrieve it for him and I got it and some of the others, then threw the M back to him in a really arching way. He had already started making his next disk, which at the time looked like four fish swimming in a circle following each others' tails right in front of him. The M fell down the center of the fish and the whole thing transformed into a shark-like thing with it's tail rapped around its body where the fish had been. It fell to the ground and twitched a little. Then I think the master took it back and started reforming it.

End of scene 3.

Actually, that might have been the end of the dream. But the next one totally goes along with it.

So I was walking along in like a superstore, I got the idea that I was with someone, like my parents, but I never saw them. But I did see someone that looked like my sister shopping with what looked to be her parents (but they definitely weren't our parents) And from the Japanese dream I had met my two brothers and talked to them but I really don't remember when that happened. So I figured I'd go talk to her about that dream. I asked her if we could go to a different isle and talk. So we went to the next isle over. I told her that I had a sister that looked just like her. She was 24 and I was 22, she went to UNC and I went to Mines. I was kinda recalling these things like the real world was a dream that I was telling her about. I told her about the Japanese dream. I knew in the dream that the Japanese dream had been a dream but it never dawned on me that this too could be one.

End of scene 4.

I think this dream lasted about a day. When I went into the station it was morning and at the end of the park scene I think the sun had set. Actually, the superstore scene might have been the next day. It kinda seemed like the morning also. I'm sure I left so much out. Like when I woke up I could remember all the conversations I had had in each of the dreams, and everything that I had thought. But almost an hour later there are holes in the stories that I just don't remember, but something did happen there.

-- Mike

It's Been Done

Those who judge are right
about only those who stop
and waste time judging.

We have memory
a record of what we’ve thought
so we can focus.

Teachers must possess
a passion for the future
a better world.

Subtlety is plain
simplicity its focus
all are not in one.

Attention starving
the words made to fit the real
the records all false.

Self referential
irony in awareness
and missing the point.

I can see you down
conforming to a level
below the aware.

Forced recordings
conceptually opposite
compared to nothing.

Debts are not private
choose to repay someone else
paying it forward.

All things rearranged
never again how they were
do we lack something?

Fitting in a form
forward our path is chosen
limited communication.

During the process
our thoughts changed to surround it
no longer our own.

Similarities
dismissed and few exploited
personal limits.

Built from other things
we are all made powerful
limits self defined.

I think those first fourteen go together. I think that these next three don't go with them, but I'm not sure. I wrote them around the same time but about specific things. Also, while typing them up, the one change I seriously considered was: "limited communication." to "such limited communication." But I think the count is obviously broken how it is and doesn't need me measuring the extent to which it is limited.

Knowledge in pocket
it’s encrypted socially
its contents removed.

We choose not to see
past the level we limit
ourselves to observe.

I’m going for it
I’ll take the convenient steps
and I will look back.

Well, that's that.
Peace -- Mike

I am

I want to listen to people talk about what matters to them and to me. Talk about what they think things should be like. Almost in the form of a conversation wherein one party ends up doing all the talking. This happened to me recently twice. A couple days ago I was walking to school and this ~55yr old, by chance of timing, ended up walking almost next to each other. He opened by asking if I was on my way to class and what I was studying. But, I think after it became clear I was not trying to get rid of him, he just started talking. Still about relevant things, each building off of the last, beginning from his graduation at Mines in 1970-something. It wasn’t quite him monologue-ing, there were intermittent questions that I thought I gave thoughtful enough answers to. By the Golden library we ended up going different ways.

The second time was last night. The two people I was with had a slow-going dialogue that covered a variety of topics. This was very different from the first in that whenever they were talking I felt eager to speak my mind and have their attention focused on me. However, when they naturally finished with what they had to say I no longer felt that I needed to say anything. It went back and forth between them for hours and I rarely entered to speak my mind. The times I did I felt that I was merely grabbing for attention. This happened under a few other circumstances last night. While I was “pacing” around I often felt that I wanted attention. I acted on this a few times and got all giggly when I thought their focus was on me.

The first event really reminded me of the movie ‘Waking Life’. After watching it I really want my life to be like that. I want to listen to people talk about what matters to them; the first sentence revisited. I want to learn new things and think in new ways. I strongly agree with lots of the themes in that movie with one notable exception (not noted here). It’s really hard to describe but the first couple times I watched it, it was a perfect metaphor for my life. I relate to the main character with the small exception that I know I’m still alive and aware. I think I’ve changed in a few ways since watching the movie but it’s pretty unlikely they can all be attributed to it. I occasionally listen to NPR now, read the Wall Street Journal, walk to school earlier than usual / alone, eat lunch at Burger King (I don’t think this is as irrelevant as it seems at first glance), listen to Pandora, and talk to people, almost to the extent of opening up to them.

I know that I dreamed before watching the movie and I guess I can recall some of them. But it really seems that after the movie I remember them differently, at least for a few seconds after waking up, I can also remember having very specific, real, and appropriate feeling within dreams recently. As soon as I woke up once, I focused on what I had felt in the dream and realized that I had been completely myself. I doubted things, thought about things that weren’t immediately happening, and expressed emotions like empathy within the dream. So I think now that I’ve felt or could feel anything in a dream with the possible exception of an undisputed knowledge that I’m awake.

While awake it seems obvious to me that I am awake. After an unusual event, I may be brought into question whether or not I’m dreaming but soon I just know that I’m obviously awake. There’s some fundamental test I do in my head and I know I’m awake without dispute.

So, that’s the only thing that I’m not sure I can feel in a dream.

Also, last night and in the movie, the topic of lucid dreaming was / is discussed in some detail. However, I haven’t had a lucid dream in years. Back in the day when I realized I was dreaming, I could control things for a bit but I would always wake up before I wanted to.

Peace -- Mike