Throughout my life I've always wanted money, power, and control... I never told anyone because they seem like pretty selfish things. (Insert mask poem here) I also believed (maybe still do) that those things are what everyone else wants as well...
Now I am thinking that I want someone to ____ that ____s me back.
like: seems like a no brainer but I often wonder
love: unfortunately to an extent I view my family as a matter of coexistence. However, it’s very likely that my definition of the word is flawed due to my past or lack of…
care: I think this is the one that I would put in the blanks. So far I care about very few and I believe even fewer care for me.
fuck: yeah, that sounds like fun and all, it just seems so unlikely that it will happen. Doesn’t seem so bad right now coming to terms with this idea.
I still of course want money... I believe that I have always wanted it and will always want it...
Ben Franklin said, "The only things certain in life are death and taxes."
So maybe my thoughts of late are still of control.
I want the money so that taxes and all other expenses in life won't even cross my mind. And I want another person in my life that I __ so I am not lonely throughout life and in death.
I do fear death... It’s unavoidable... at some point you and everyone you know will die... Honestly, that is the scariest thing for me right now.
I apologize for the coming graphicness in my example but I prefer to think about it this way... People usually die of a loss of blood to the brain... which leaves behind earthly remains... But lets assume that someone is at the center of an atomic blast and every atom in their body is gone... i.e. No remains, no body, no brain.
I imagine that post death will be nothing like pre death... everything we do simply sends a signal to the brain, which sends electrical / chemical signals inside of itself. i.e. thinking, then an output signal is sent to a muscle somewhere. Post death none of that will exist anymore, so it can't happen anymore.
There are four (ish) possibilities I see after death.
1. Heaven / Hell: an eternity of unconditional love and happiness / eternal pain and sorrow. If this is what post death contains for us all then I believe it wouldn't be so binary. Each person would go to a unique place / state of mind depending on what kind of a person they were and what they wanted in their life.
2. Nothingness: A person is comprised of atoms that make up cells that make up the person, those things simply don't exist anymore, and no signals are sent in the brain that’s not there anymore. By far this is the one I'm afraid of. It wouldn't be like sleeping forever, it would be never-ending nothingness.
3. Reincarnation: Somehow after death a person is reawakened as another with absolutely no memory of the past. This idea has some positive aspects, living things are more than cells made of atoms and that after death some part of people doesn't go to a magical place created for us by another. Conversely, what about single cells organisms in the ocean, we can see and identify all chemical reactions that happen in them, is that a possibility for reincarnation? And where is the line drawn... Are there a finite number of beings in existence? Or what if halo was activated and all life in the universe dies, where do we go then?
4. Ease into nothingness: Post death a person is kept alive by the things they did and the people they touched. A person becomes their life, not consciously of course. And slowly they're forgotten and the things they were become the things of others.
You might consider rereading this then commenting... I know I did... Minus the commenting part of course, unless you count this...
L8R-- Michael
