Halfway Done

So it's Christmas break, and perhaps time to reflect on the passing of the Fall 2008 semester.

I suppose the most significant development is that I am now halfway done with Mines. Five semesters down… Five to go… I’ve already blogged about the first four semesters, so here is the breakdown of the fifth (which I feel pretty good about):

Multidisciplinary Engineering Lab II, B: Only worth 1.5 credits despite the 3hours in class per week. We looked at flows and strengths. I didn’t really like a few of my lab partners, oh well. MEL 3 is more open ended with longer labs, and should go better than MEL 2. Interestingly enough, MEL 3 meets for the same amount of time as MEL 2 but is only worth 1 credit.

Thermodynamics I, B: I really really disliked the prof. The first day in class I noted and dated my dislike for him. Looking back I did learn more than I thought I would, but still believe he is one of the worst Profs at Mines. Good thing I signed up for his Heat Transfer class.

Information Systems Science, A: We looked at signal processing, MATLAB, and a few transforms (Fourier, Laplace, Z). This class doesn't really apply to my major but I did the work and got an A. This course is 388 and he often referenced 307 in class, so I'll get to see what I missed out in Feedback Controls next semester.

Computer-Aided Engineering, A: Finite element analysis through CosmosWorks (and a bit on MathCad). A very enjoyable class, I felt the workload was pretty appropriate and I learned a lot. I'm unsure how much Machine Design plays off of this knowledge, but we shall see.

Engineering Cultures in the Developing World, A: My 400-level writing intensive English class. Everyone at Mines has to take one (I wish you the best of luck Curtis). Originally, I wasn't doing very well on the papers and received a 55% on the midterm exam which represented 20% of the final grade. After a couple weeks I went into his office with the intent of begging for a C. He clearly laid out what I had to do in the remainder of the class for a B, which seemed reasonable, so I was quite happy. Then I spent roughly 30hours spread over three days writing the final paper and magically got an A. As far as course material goes, we studied the history of engineering education in Colombia, Mexico, and Brazil.

Physics III - Modern Physics, A: I signed up for this class to fill a free elective knowing that it was required for Nuclear Engineers (back when I wasn't sure about what I wanted to study). And looking back I'm pretty happy with what I'm taking away from the class. It baffled many in the class that I would intentionally take Physics as an elective. Specific topics of study can be found: http://inside.mines.edu/Academic/courses/physics/phgn300/

Well, I think that's all the classes I took. Additionally, I continued working as a barista throughout the semester. Over an 8 hour shift tips could range from $5-12 mostly due to the very low work load. Usually I did Physics with 'Phys Girl' which often resulted in awkward hilarity when my MEL team scheduled a meeting or anyone else stopped by my office.

I think that the house I lived in this semester is named 'CasaBlanca' but I'm not totally sure about that. I really enjoyed the house and didn't mind the twice a day walk to school at all. Members of the Casa include:

Curtis: Who I believe is seeking new residence for Fall 2009. He often sought solitude from other members of the house. He probably cleaned more of the house / dishes than any other resident. Additionally, he went home to Longmont a few times per month. I haven't talked to him in months so I know very little about how he feels. I recently was informed that he now wants to get out of school ASAP and find a job. Last year living in the dorms he was all about grad school and taking that to Ph.D. I guess something this semester broke him.

Ian: Generally easy going, performs well in school, paintball aficionado, seriously religions, and stuff... I feel I should write more here because he will likely read this someday. Hum... Ah! He often takes on RockBand difficulties that are above his level... Idk...

Jeff: Looking into studying abroad Fall 2009 in Japan. I still see a younger version of myself acting similarly to this kid. Although, if Ian didn't get anything meaningful, then I won't go further into this.

Jon: I've heard some discouraging news about him staying at Mines. So we shall see how things play out. He's very likeable and pretty decent at the bar-game it would be sad to see him head in a different direction.

Ryan: He already has a well paying job, and as long as no bubbles burst he'll be employed as long as he wants. Does well in school, and is (still) liked by all. I believe he's just going for an EE B.A. which he may get as soon as May 2010.

Me: (see rest of post) for some reason the morning of December 22nd I don't find myself very introspective... Oh well...

Well, none of those were remarkably personal, but frankly I don't know the people I live with terribly well.

Back to the topic of semesters at Mines, here is how I see the next five going:
Spring 2009: This will not be an easy one: Heat Transfer, Machine Design, Intro to Feedback Control Systems, Introduction to Logic, Multidisciplinary Engineering Lab III, and I'm currently enrolled in, but will likely drop, Macroeconomics. This will take care of almost all of my requirements for graduation, although Mines really doesn't want kids graduating early so they add the year long 'Senior Design'.

Fall 2009: Senior Design, Nuclear Physics, along with a few electives possibly working toward a minor, possibly in math. This should be a somewhat relaxing semester (I get through everyday at Mines telling myself this lie.) I find it pretty cool that the class is simply called: Nuclear Physics. "Oh, I'm to go learn NUCLEAR PHYSICS, I'll be back in an hour or so..."

Spring 2010: Senior Design, Reactor Physics (grad level class), Radiation Detection and Measurement (grad level class), perhaps finish up the minor. Followed by the all important... Graduation! The rumors go that Phillip will also graduate Sp2010, and there are probably a few others in my immediate family that will also graduate.

Fall 2010: Grad School: (not all but some of) Nuclear Reactor Laboratory, Materials Science and Engineering of Nuclear Materials, Radioactive Materials Management, Reactor Design, Public Policy and Licensing. And I don't think that I have to take the GRE going from Mines to Mines Grad.

Spring 2011: Grad School: The rest. Followed by the all important... Graduation with Masters! For more info on the program check out: http://www.mines.edu/Nuclear_GS

WTF am I thinking?
The prospects for nuclear engineering in the US aren't amazing, and most of the positions available require a B.S. to be the janitor, and a Ph.D. to be taken seriously. So, more school may be in my future, probably not at Mines.

Break is very relaxing so far, I think I've nursed myself back to health after a semester of frozen dinners and PB&J. It seems X-Mas is upon us, and I'm not feeling much tension from anyone, but I believe most people haven't even thought about it yet. I haven't started shopping yet... oops.

The day after Christmas Phillip, Matthew, Dad, Geri, and I are flying out to Pennsylvania for a wedding, it should be fun. One of my cousins is quite good at GH3, so I'll have a good time. Let’s see... New Years, no plans, perhaps party perhaps not. School starts January 7th, oh yay.

Hum, I've also been working with Ian recently on a SolidWorks modeling project, but I signed a NDA so I can't talk about it (Saying that makes me happy in a very childish way).

I do hope you loyal blog reader(s) will be able to keep up with two posts within a few days of each other. Also, I thank those who have commented. I enjoy the comments / responding to them.

Peace -- Michael

Quarter Life

I was recently asked something along the lines of:
Are you happy with what you've done in the fraction of your life that's passed?

Being 21... Let’s assume that a quarter of my life is over.

I might argue that the first couple years of my life I wasn't really self aware, so those years might not count equally, and for the last few years of my life I might also be a less cognizant human. While there some problems with that simplification, the exact fraction is really not the relevant point to the question. Although, it seems like aspects of awareness and ability should be incorporated in the answer.

(fyi: Kittens are really cute. There are currently two sleeping in my lap, Yay kittens)

How does one measure one's self?
Well as a logical first step, who am I after twenty one years of life?

What I know?
- I know about / how to interact with most everything that I encounter. A list of specific examples may include: Many computer programs, how to transport myself, the layout of places I've been, every Simpson episode, how to interact with others (i.e. when not to challenge someone to fight (joke (not joke))), how things will be after an event (collisions, social interactions, initial conditions give final), many video games, how to communicate, things that have happened... The list is endless, and is best summed up with the first sentence.

What I can do?
- I can interact with most everything that I encounter, and is fairly similar to the previous question. Specifically: lead others, juggle, live independently, snowboard, build with legos (even without holding the blocks), learn new things quickly, sweep mines, earn a 3.7 at Mines, fight, anything I want, and so can you (Frank)...

How I think?
- I think about helping people. I would like to believe that I'm able to think selflessly. I want everyone's life to be better (although, that should probably go later). I'm not sure but I might think physically (whatever that means). I often see and manipulate things in 3D (like if asked where something is, to envision something, or to predict an interaction). I suppose this Blog is full of examples of how I think; I really do argue both sides of everything with myself.

What others think of me?
- Always a though one... well, I believe others dismiss me due to my inability to speak. Among my house I would guess that I'm thought of old, strong, and relatively smart. However, I haven't really spoken to any of them and am not sure what they really think of me (and I'll likely post what I think of them soon (soon in my Blog terms)).

What's my past?
- Education, learning to do things.

What's my future?
- Graduate, get job, marry, travel, kids, Victorian mansion in the suburbs?

What do I want?
- Well, obviously that future starting with graduation. I want good things for everyone. I believe that I can do net good in the world by becoming a Nuclear Engineer. I believe that many of the problems in the world would be aided by essentially free energy.

Well, that was a long part one... So, if that's who I am after twenty years... then uhh... Perhaps it's time to reread the question... Happy with the fraction of my life that's passed.

Well initially I see three ways to look at this. I could compare my life to the lives of others (imdb 52nd best movie, I liked it), I could look at my life and what I want my life to be, then see if I'm on track, or I could think about everything I could have been.

So, if we're comparing my life to others:
Then I really have no idea. I go to an engineering school and have an ok GPA... but what does that mean, I don't think I'm in any position to compare myself to others.

Comparing the fraction that has passed with that of the future:
If my life is what I listed as my future, then I'm right on track. Graduating with a Masters in Nuclear Engineering is probably not easy, and hopefully provides a good starting point for the rest of life.

Compare with what I could have been:
Well, I could be bigger, better, stronger, faster, smarter. This is very similar to my post +/- 5 years. I could change my life today and be better in five years... or I could just keep going on the path I'm on and get to a similar place.

Well, judging myself in those ways, in the first quarter of my life, I'm doing pretty well. So, what's the rest of my life hold? I think that I'll be in the first quarter of my life for the next two and a half years, not that I plan on living to one hundred, but following these...
1st quarter: Shape your body and mind. Some people know who they are early on, so this stage probably ends sometime between 16 and 22 (23 for me (snap I'm old)).
2nd quarter: Get a job, find yourself, reproduce, and raise decedents. I guess this period would end around 40; perhaps later if your offspring(s) don't leave for awhile.
3rd quarter: How should I know... My plan for the future ends mid 30's... perhaps I should plan for a mid-life crisis.
4th quarter: Death? Again, how should I know... I really don't know any old people...

Looking back through this, I realize that I didn’t say anything about ability and awareness. When I wrote it I was thinking that the importance of life is shaped like a bell curve. The first few years of your life don’t matter, the time spent in middle school doesn’t really matter, admittedly these times help to shape who you are, but I believe they matter little. I also believe that the last few years of life are relatively unimportant. This is another way I think about the quarter of my life that has passed; the important moments in my life are yet to come and I think I’ve prepared myself for them in a satisfactory way.

Hopefully something in this helps you.
Peace – Michael

Why I make Idle Threats?

I make them a lot... and my guess is I make them as simply something to say… because without them I would continue sitting silently. However, a one sentence blog post is highly suspect, so I’ve come up with two plethoras (trust me that’s a word) of other possibilities.

I could make them to exert control. I would be showing superiority over others, instilling a belief in them that they are below me. This might suggest that I make idle threats because I’m insecure. I could see the victim of the verbal assault as better than me, and this is my way of taking a shot at them. I beat others physically, but could be scared of them mentally, so when backed into a corner I try to display dominance over them, with what I’ve got. Aware that I beat others physically, idle threats may be my way of trying to impress someone, by showing them how tough and manly I can talk. Surprisingly this claim is founded. Typically I make idle threats to people I like, perhaps to make myself look tougher / better in their eyes. It’s rare that I would threaten someone that I’d actually be interested in hurting, some people just have it coming. But hopefully, idle threats are not my way of showing someone I like them. Perhaps idle threats are my way of coving things up. They often occur after I’ve made a public mistake. Or when I’m lost for words and socially obligated to speak. Or maybe, I think they are funny in their own way. Because I know that the threat will never be carried out. Per chance, the answer is buried in the way I respond to idle threats, or regular threats. I typically call the aggressor out, and taunt them to follow through. I think I would only fight someone if I knew I could control the fight and guarantee that nobody would be seriously hurt.

Welp, that’s probably enough to have me locked away… Someone recently implied that my idle threatening was being taken negatively… So, I’m thinking that I’ll simply stop making them for awhile.

And after reading the post I realize that I didn’t add a whole lot from my outline… Just barely enough words to connect separate ideas into hard to follow English. Basically, if you replaced every period and comma above, you would get the outline; perhaps I’ll just start posting that.

Well, with summer classes are ramping up soon it’s unlikely that I’ll blog terribly often. However, I do have some good topic ideas… Such as: Levels of Insecurity, What God(s) would mean, and Geri. So if you want to help decide…

Peace -- Michael

Sophomore Year

I’ve recently thought about blogging a lot. I wrote a few rough drafts and never finished them… So I now I’m thinking that I’m going to just copy and old post and call it a new one.

Thoughts about the floor:

001 a-c) Enjoy the basement next year.

002 a) It will be interesting having us room together… I generally like you, and I believe your job will take you anywhere you want to go in life. I dislike your two second cough-laugh; whenever you didn’t understand something or didn’t hear it completely. I believe that everyone likes you, even those that don’t know you. I believe this is due to people seeing you as a non-threatening younger sibling.
002 b) I think your life will work out. Though the way you react to things often seems childish, I believe that you’ll do well in the things you attempt.

003 a) I think next year, out of everyone, you and I will strongly disagree about things. In part because I see us as the only two willing to publicly disagree with another member of the house.
003 b) Enjoy Mines.
003 c) You’ll probably injure yourself horribly or get expelled for what you do in the residence hall, in either case, enjoy life.

004 a) You were a pretty horrible R.A. Admittedly we didn’t get along very well, but none of that matters anymore. It’s not entirely unlikely that we’ll meet again and it probably won’t matter if we do.

005 a) I often relate to you, without mention of course. The decisions you’ve made I probably would have made in your position. The way you react to things you don’t understand is very similar to the way I used to.
005 b) I occasionally relate to you. You often come across as desperate for attention but there are times were you bite your tongue and I admire you for it. By signing up for America’s next front line your life has gone in an almost unbelievably different direction. It really makes me think about the endings of life, and what we all end up doing.

006 a) I dislike how loud you are and how often that volume is used. I will make it clear to the people living with me that I never want to hear you again.
006 b) Enjoy Mines.

007 a-b) Who?

008 a) Hopefully you are able to pay for your education all the way though. I also hope that you do better in the coming semesters. I like you because I often get the impression that you’re aware of your surroundings and other’s existence. You’re very agreeable and I believe you could lead the group if you wanted to.
008 b) You’ve got the drive to get business done. While I’m not sure that Mines is the place for you, I do believe that you’ll enjoy your job in management.
008 c) Enjoy Mines.

009 a) I think you’ve kinda had a falling out with the floor recently. My guess is that it would have been temporary but with the year ending it doesn’t really matter.
009 b) I believe that you are tired of me as a roommate. I don’t foresee any issues living together next year… It’s hard for me to type why I believe that you’re tired of me.

Well, those were boring and uninspired…

This year has gone well academically for me, first semester I received B’s in NHV and circuits. I predict this semester I’ll get a few B’s because I’m borderline in 5 of my classes. Socially, not terribly much has changed, I do believe that I’m willing to discuss more in a conversation, but equally unlikely to start one. Physically, I’ve improved little, unlike Phillip who I hear is now an expert runner. Emoticon-ally, I believe that I’ve become less caring in general. And perhaps more sad, there are times when I contemplate releasing salt water despite my eyes having adequate moisture. I can’t remember the last time I released such unnecessary fluid from my eye; it has been at least 5 years. But recently I’ve thought of the act and the typically associated emoticons. Narcissistically, I do believe my acne has improved, and I’ve become more tone.

From May 12 to May 30 I’ll be the library barista. I’ll sit behind my cart weekdays from 7:45am to 3:00pm selling coffee. My guess is that I’ll sell very little coffee to a student body that is home for the summer, so I’ll need something else to pass the time. Sounds like a party right? What do people do in libraries?

Peace -- Michael

Plus or Minus Five

*Same Fight club quote here*

I am only an aged child… I haven't really grown older in my state of mind. In general it seems I’ve grown colder (insert any number of songs here… (but make it a positive finite rational number please…)) The only other thing that has changed in my life is increased knowledge. If I could give the things that I’ve learned to myself 5 years ago, I don’t think that I would be a very different person. Would I buckle down and learn for a better today? I doubt it…

Along that thought I occasionally think about my future self seeing me in present day. And similarly I think about what I would do if I could send knowledge back to myself today? I think about this one more than the first… because it seems more useful.

In each case, I initially think that I would tell myself to become a better person and all that... but both of me would know the result of saying that. Then I would remember that I was the same 5 years ago... so if I were writing a post like this it would have turned out very similar… But as I hinted in an earlier post back then I was waiting for the world to change, and to prove my beliefs wrong…

If I were to meet myself, I doubt anything need be said... because 5 years ago I thought of my future self, and what I would say to me... and now that I am me, we were right… old me wouldn’t tell young me to buckle down and learn because old me didn't when he was there (and who am I to tell me what to do?)...

And in five years if 25 year old me were to read this post via the magic of the interweb, he would probably want to say something like: be more social, don't get in a fender-bender on such a date, and whatever you do buy this lottery ticket... but he wouldn't say anything... yes he would... he would definitely post the winning lotto numbers... but no advice on life or on my outlook...

It's hard to write very much about this... It's there between the ears... but when the eyes see it in notepad, they tell the fingers what a poor job communicating they've done... so the brain checks it and deletes it... without that check... you would be reading a lot of sentence fragments, but those might do a better job describing... this post has a lot of paragraphs that say nothing... followed by sentences like that…

Just to clarify:
I don't know everything...
In five years I won't know everything...

A few days after making the rough draft:
I do believe that in five years I will be drastically different than I am now... Graduate, get a job, move out, get a life... But I think all the change in my personality that occurs within that time will do so within the last year or so; when those four things are most likely to happen. Until then, I'll likely stay relatively the same... oh well...

L8R -- Michael

Dedicate my life

Well, I haven’t posted in quite a long time… and during that time many interesting blog-worthy things happened… But it’s unlikely that those will ever be posted here. Not that I didn’t think about this blog, but when I think about it I end up rereading it. I like lots of the stuff that’s here and don’t feel that I should add something to it.

Also I’ve recently been operating under the assumption that nothing really matters. Not in a destructive way, like… lots of things matter… almost everything matters… but, nothing really matters. I’m not sure I mean that, but when something happens that I disagree with I tell myself that nothing really matters… then whatever outcome occurs… doesn’t matter. Whatever… this isn’t really following the title of the post…

Things I’m thinking about dedicating my life to:

Kid(s):
I want to raise the best of the best kid(s). Always be there to provide. However, this is usually called living through you kid(s), and usually thought of as a bad thing. I don’t think that will be a problem, I believe that I genuinely want kids and to raise them the best to my ability… so if I had to pick from this list that you haven’t read yet, I would probably pick this. So, why continue reading? Ah, yes, you looked ahead and saw the words, ‘fight club’ so you had to…

Spouse:
Fight Club narrator: "I can't get married - I'm a thirty-year-old boy."
Marriage is a thing for other people... I really don't see myself getting married within the next couple years... However when I do get married then I plan on dedicating my life to the person. And in a somewhat related topic; I think that I'll wait until marriage to have sex. There are numerous good augments on opposing side; such as: "why?" Which I admit is a good one, this strong counterpoint usually stops me for a while... Until I unoriginally say: "I don't know... ... ... why not?" Which also is a very valid point... So we shall see.

Money: Yep...
Oh, I mean... Uh... I believe that I've been seeking money my entire life to pay of college. Because getting this degree will not only waste the best years of my life, it will also set me back $100,000. Lets see... $5,000 - $100,000 = promising future. It seems that everybody today is graduating from college and to give future me a chance in the world, I need that degree... So I'm going for it... *I have had no other purpose in my life than to improve my life in the future.* And up to this point that’s all I've done, and what I continue to do... So at this rate I'll end up dedicating my life to myself... Well crap... Let’s hope that changes... Or let’s hope this paragraph was all lies…

Religion: Maybe... We’ll see…
But this seems like a good place to put my religious believes… So, I’ve gone to ‘The New Church’ for over a decade… So what follows is a very plagiarized list of things they believe that I also believe: Freedom: It is important to worship in freedom. We must be allowed to decide what we understand and believe for ourselves. Reflection: Worship creates a space for us to look at our lives with perspective. It can also be a time to consider how the teachings in God’s Word apply to our lives. Charity: Worship is about teaching us to be caring. Facts are not most important. Creating and supporting a desire to live well, and to act fairly and with consideration, are the main purposes of worship. Learning: A worship service should help us see truths and their practical relevance to our lives. Free will offering: We do not pass the plate because we respect people’s right to freely and privately choose to contribute financially. If we live according to our religious beliefs with sincerity (regardless of name or label) We are welcome into heaven. Heaven and Hell are both states of mind which we form while here on earth. Whichever one we choose is how we live on after death forever. Heaven is a kingdom of usefulness – not idleness. Heaven is not a reward for so many good things we’ve done or for having the right faith – we choose it by what we love and how we live. No one is cast into hell. If one goes there it is freely chosen because of selfish or hurtful loves that we embrace. ...and some other stuff but this section is getting kinda long...

Job: I could see this happening. I think I'll commit myself to whatever it is I end up doing, but there will still be room for some of those other four to jump in there and complete my life.

Whatever…

L8R -- Michael